I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
