Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
