I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
