Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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