i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
