Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
