is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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