I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
