You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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