I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
