yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
