then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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