You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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