but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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