Someone shit on the floor
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
