Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
