Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The best revenge is premature balding
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
