are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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