Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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