Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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