My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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