I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
