Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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