We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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