just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
