God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
