i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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