I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The beer is more important than you right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
