found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
