i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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