I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
