He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
