During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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