Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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