My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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