No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
