she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
