Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
