I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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