Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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