I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
