were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
