I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
