kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
