just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
