careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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