I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
