so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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