I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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