Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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