I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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