So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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