everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize