I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
