you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
