It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
