she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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