There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
