Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
