I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
