i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize