Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My cat gives me a boner
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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