so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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