haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
