So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
