Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
