my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
